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Fox News’ Election Night Advantage Is A Video Chandelier

While standing directly in the center of Fox News’ brand-new, two-story election night studio, I became a bit overwhelmed. Under my feet, thousands of LED lights had transformed the floor into a gently rotating royal blue presidential seal. To my left, a 20-something-foot vertical screen displayed every state and its polls closing times. To my right, a 31-foot-long LED wall showed an oscillating, urgent electoral “ALERT” before a new graphic flashed into its place, projecting a shiny gold 6-foot-tall map of Indiana. Just above my peripheral vision, a red news ticker rimming the 2,200 square feet of exterior windows cycled through logos and breaking news. And just above that, the coup de grace: a 528-square-foot, circular “video chandelier” that beamed the words “AMERICA’S ELECTION NIGHT HEADQUARTERS” in action-movie opening credits lettering, against alternating red, white, and blue backgrounds. Test tweets flashed. Electoral projection animations whizzed. Touchscreens were touched. It all felt like standing inside some kind of uncanny, aggressively patriotic space station.

Tonight at 6 p.m., Fox News will likely welcome more than 10 million viewers into that space station, which the network is unveiling for the broadcast it calls “our Super Bowl.” Embattled after a summer in which founding chairman and CEO Roger Ailes was forced out over sexual harassment allegations, Fox News is using its election night broadcast and new, reportedly $30 million studio to make a statement. Namely, that it is still a monolithic, indestructible media powerhouse, capable of outpixeling and outspending rivals new and old. The message: We are titanic and we are invulnerable.

“It’s a bit of sensory overload, right?” Alan Komissaroff, senior executive producer for Fox’s election night broadcast, said of the set — which, just a few years ago, was a Charles Schwab branch. “There’s so much information to bring in — House races, Senate races, exit polls — throughout the night but you have to present it differently, otherwise it gets boring and now we have dozens of ways to do that.” When I asked Komissaroff if all the extremely pricey bells and whistles and pixels were essential to the election team’s success this evening, he laughed. “Is it necessary?” he said, gesturing upward to the looming video chandelier, which had begun to whir in preparation to lower to the ground. “Well, it looks really good.”

The video chandelier tests out tweets 30 hours before showtime. Charlie Warzel/BuzzFeed News

And while the video chandelier is likely to be the object of a few laughs on Twitter, it does look pretty good. More importantly, it represents an investment few (if any) media outlets could pull off. Fox News is a titanic force, thanks in part to Donald Trump and an unprecedented election cycle; the network recently reported record revenues: an estimated $2.62 billion in 2016. The past year may have been tough for Fox spiritually, but at least the ratings have been great, starting in 2015 when its first GOP debate pulled in 24 million viewers.

Fox is no stranger to big ratings — it led cable news during 2012’s election night broadcasts with 11 million viewers. But the network has more to prove this cycle. Among the concerns: 1) Megyn Kelly, an election night anchor and arguably the network’s biggest star, whose contract is due up next year and is reportedly seeking north of $20 million per year; 2) the slow recovery from the fallout of the Ailes ouster, which has cast a shadow of uncertainty as to the network’s direction in the coming years; 3) the fact that its audience is growing perilously older by the year —with a median viewer age of 67 in 2015 (though it does occupy the top spot in three of the top five cable news programs in the 18–49 demographic); and 4) an increasingly sinister brand of media criticism and distrust from Trump supporters, from which Fox News is not exempt. (Two weeks ago, Trump surrogate and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich railed against Kelly for displaying bias against the Republican candidate.)

A cascading 20-plus-foot screen that Fox employees call “the Twitter wall.”

It was amid that chaos that rumors began to surface of the prospect of Trump extending his brand into video news. And despite the candidate’s insistence that he has no plans, those rumors have continually inched closer to reality. Three weeks ago, the Financial Times reported that Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner was in the early phases of shopping a Trump TV network. Just a day later, Trump’s official Facebook page hosted a pre- and post-debate livestream event, complete with graphics and chyrons — perhaps Trump TV’s inaugural broadcast. It was viewed 9 million times. Since then, Trump TV has spent the last two weeks conducting nightly news broadcasts over Facebook Live from Trump Tower with advisers and campaign staffers. The campaign has even set aside a camera spot for “Trump TV” at the candidate’s election night party headquarters.

Despite the myriad challenges facing a potential Trump TV venture (including Trump’s own interest level and the discipline to fund and follow through on it, and the fact that it would likely have to be a streaming subscription service — a business model that’s notoriously tough to crack), the rumors and the attendant buzz around a new offering suggest a desire in a certain branch of the right for a different flavor of cable news. One more like Breitbart (previously run by Trump’s campaign CEO Steve Bannon), which more closely mirrors Trump’s brash, alt-right oriented movement.

Fox’s election night broadcast marks an important 20-year anniversary. Yet it’s also a moment for the network to flex its muscle against both its traditional rivals — like CNN and MSNBC — and a crop of new online programming debuting from the likes of MTV, Vice, and others (including BuzzFeed News, which will broadcast an election night show live on Twitter). As such, the video chandelier and surplus of gorgeous HD touch screens are a not-so-subtle gesture toward Fox’s war chest and elite subscription fee revenues and soaring advertising rates — 30-second ad spots for Fox News’ second primary debate sold for as much as $260,000 last year.

And while the LED lights and banners make for a great backdrop, they also represent a crucial tension that will play out on media’s biggest stages for the next few years as incumbent networks try to spend new media into oblivion while their audiences skew increasingly older. In many ways, Fox reflects the challenge facing all the incumbent cable networks: Is money enough to fend off rising digital challengers?

“I think you’d be naive not to see the future of the media as moving onto all kinds of platforms,” Martha MacCallum, a co-host of Fox’s America’s Newsroom, said. “I think competition is healthy but people tune in to us is because they feel a connection and they trust us to give the facts to them straight.” MacCallum, who will lead the network’s on-air exit polls analysis, stressed that while there may be increased frustrations with the media, Fox News’ reporters, researchers, and decision desk provide the necessary perspective to cut through its viewers’ online filter bubbles and echo chambers.

When asked about any worry of an insurgent Trump TV, MacCallum was quick to dismiss it as partisan noise. “I’m no more concerned with the idea than, say, a Newsmax or Breitbart, which are already out there and fit into that filter bubble category,” she said.

MacCallum’s co-host and election night companion Bill Hemmer echoed the point. “I think with the technology available today there are more outlets able to experiment, but it’s not very easy to do what we do,” he explained from his election night perch on the second floor of the new studio. “There’s a lot of nuance to it. I read all the trades and I see what people trying to do and what they’re saying [with regard to Trump TV] — but I think the point to be made is that it’s a lot more difficult than it looks.”

With 30 hours and 10,000 things to test before air, that difficulty was on display behind the scenes. As Hemmer spoke, a half dozen contractors drilled and hammered finishing pieces into place, while the crew adjusted and tweaked settings on the set’s 14 cameras. Frantic producers cycled in and out, constantly prodding the 34 touch screens to zoom in on precincts and counties and trigger any number of flashy animations. Lights oscillated, cycling through color sequences, and at one point a test tweet as big as my body popped up on the video chandelier. It all felt incredibly complex, dizzying, and expensive. And while it will most likely draw tens of millions more eyes than Trump’s public access-style live show or many of the stripped-down online broadcasts, it’s unclear how much the $30 million competitive advantage really means to anxious viewers at home trying to watch the returns.

As Hemmer sees it, the evening’s production value will send a clear message to viewers. “One of the best ways to display the gravity of the night is to demonstrate the power of TV, which, despite all the advances of technology, is still a number one source. It’s the reason why you have tens of millions watching tomorrow.”

From the control room — in between finding the perfect moments to raise and lower and show America his video chandelier — Komissaroff may keep an eye on what the smaller players are up to, but he’s not concerned. As a news producer, Facebook Live and any number of other nascent broadcasts are new resources for him to utilize, made all the more important to the news-gathering process by the fact that presidential candidates are using them.

As for his thoughts on Trump’s little broadcast experiments? “I honestly haven’t even thought about it, but I’m not worried about it. It’s not the same thing. We’re a news organization,” he said. “Plus, I think our graphics look better.”

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Charlie Warzel is a senior writer for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York. Warzel reports on and writes about the intersection of tech and culture.

19 Reasons Why Sour Candy Is The Absolute Worst

1. There are two types of people in this world: Those who worship sour candy and those who can’t stand it.

4. Do you like the sensation of chemicals slowly burning through your tongue?

5. Because whenever you eat sour candy, you can literally see your neck muscles tensing.

6. Honestly, there’s nothing worse than picking through a mixed bag of treats to find that all the good stuff has been contaminated with that garbage sour powder.

7. And being sensitive to sour candy doesn’t make you weak, it just makes you human.

8. Our species should not be consuming things that look like bouncy balls covered in cocaine.

9. Plus, sour candy always comes in the weirdest shapes and packaging.

11. And for some god-forsaken reason, people who love sour candy ALWAYS force it upon people who don’t.

12. Don’t you dare tell me the red ones are less sour because we both know that’s a lie.

13. But you always end up trying it anyway, just for them to stop bugging you.

14. *licks the smallest amount of candy surface area possible for you to leave me the fuck alone*

15. And that’s not even the worst part of it all. The ultimate betrayal is eating something, expecting it to be sweet, only to discover that it’s the devil in disguise.

16. Even Mother Nature’s “sour” candy can go straight to hell, if you ask me.

17. Kiwis? Oranges? Strawberries? Even green grapes are a risk. No one is safe.

18. Because at the end of the day, you know in your heart that sweet candy is superior.

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Harry Potter Fans Are Livid Over Johnny Depp's Casting In “Fantastic Beasts”

1. On Tuesday, Deadline reported that Johnny Depp would play a major role in the Fantastic Beasts franchise. Not only does Depp appear in the first of five films, which hits theaters Nov. 17, but the role sets him up to have an even bigger part in the sequel.

John Phillips / Getty Images

2. Harry Potter fans immediately took to social media to express their opinions on the matter.

a wild idea: what if we didn’t put a domestic abuser in one of the most culturally significant and morally formative franchises of our time

— claudia morales (@mostlyclaudia)

johnny depp

— victória (@foofightin)

“Johnny Depp joins the cast of the Fantastic Beasts sequel.”

Me:

— Denizcan James (@MrFilmkritik)

now I have to choose between supporting a domestic abuser and harry potter? fuck this noise!

— Anna Menta (@annalikestweets)

remember when megan fox didn’t like michael bay so her career got ruined, and johnny depp abused his wife so got a huge 5 film franchise?

— Anna Menta (@annalikestweets)

Johnny Depp and Chris brown are smashing their careers like they never abused women – and we’re all staying quiet like that’s fine. It isn’t

— Sammy 👅💦 (@Little_Fickle)

I thought I’d wake up feeling less angry but no, I’m a mix of Hermione when she finds out there are house elves at Hogwarts and OOTP Harry.

— Rosianna Halse Rojas (@papertimelady)

Even if it’s too late to take Johnny Depp out of Fantastic Beasts, just give him Polyjuice Potion for the sequel!!! You have magic!!

— Victoria Gravyard 🦃 (@VictoriaAveyard)

terrible that Johnny Depp is gonna be in a HP movie but fitting that he’s probably playing Grindelwald, as they are both THE FUCKING WORST

— LOTTIE (@lotstradamus)

16. It’s clear that a lot of fans are feeling betrayed by the casting – especially given how central stories of surviving abuse are to the original books and movies.

Warner Bros.

hello @jk_rowling @FantasticBeasts the Harry Potter universe is all about being against the abuse of power and yet you cast a known abuser?

— Natalie (@wednesdaydreams)

Harry Potter is so obviously condemning any type of abuse (i.e Umbridge, Dursleys, Tom Riddle), so how can they allow this? #FantasticBeasts

— Niki (@nikivfaber)

What really gets me, is how many victims of abuse have used the Harry Potter franchise as a means to heal. How must they feel today? How.

— Holly Bourne (@holly_bourneYA)

20. BuzzFeed News has reached out to Warner Bros. and J.K. Rowling for comments about the casting.

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21 Signs You Need Some Sex In Your Life

2. And you probably didn’t even notice the group of tourists in the background of this photo because you were too busy thinking about sex.

3. And you forgot the name of this culinary institute the moment you read it because you were thinking about sex.

4. You saw a lot here, but you missed the fact that they were pastries because you were too busy thinking about…well, you know.

7. For some reason, of all the plants at the nursery, this is the one that really jumped out at you.

8. Everyone’s been talking about “cupping” a lot lately. You’re thinking about it for entirely different reasons.

9. Listen, it’s really not your fault that the ring was the last thing you noticed in this photo.

10. You may not totally understand modern art, but you know for sure that you like it.

20. If you see anything but dumplings in this photo, you’re suffering from a serious case of ~dirty-mindedness~.

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19 Beweise, dass Ikea-Möbel in Wahrheit der gottverdammte Teufel sind

1. Ikea ist ein wundervoller Ort. Aber es ist nicht immer einfach, seine Möbel zusammenzubauen.

2. Wenn du keine Mühe hast, einen einfachen Stuhl zusammenzubauen…

3. …hast du zumindest Mühe, die Möbel überhaupt nach Hause zu bekommen.

4. Und du wirst bestimmt eine existentielle Krise kriegen, bevor du überhaupt damit fertig bist, die Verpackungen zu öffnen.

5. Die Sache ist die, dass Ikea-Möbel eigentlich unkompliziert sein sollen.

6. Sie sollen eigentlich haltbar sein.

7. Sie sollen eigentlich solide sein.

9. Warum sehen Stühle so aus?

12. Wenn du Glück hast, schaffst du es trotzdem die Möbel zusammenzubauen – obwohl du offensichtlich mehrere Schlüsselbauteile ausgelassen hast.

13. Oder du vergisst eine Schraube, die definitiv irgendwo sein müsste.

15. Oder noch schlimmer: Du stellst erst viel, viel später fest, dass du es vermasselt hast.

16. Und dann kann nichts mehr getan werden.

17. Du musst mit deinen Fehlern leben.

19. Weil jeder, der jemals Ikea-Möbel zusammengebaut hat, weiß: The struggle is real .

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19 Kostüm-Fails, bei denen du dir vor Angst in die Hose machst

1. Diese verstörende Version des immer freundlichen, niemals unheimlichen Michelin-Männchens:

2. Dieser schaurige Homer Simpson mit Käferaugen:

3. Dieses verfluchte Einhorn, das einfach nur ein wandelndes “nope” ist

5. Oder dieser Leonardo aus der Hölle:

6. Dieser kanadische Hulk, der eine “1” für die Mühe verdient hat, aber trotzdem WTF ist:

7. Dieses Pikachu-Vorher-Nachher ist der Stoff, aus dem Alpträume gemacht sind:

8. Dieses Bert-und-Ernie-Duo, dass all deine fröhlichen Kindheitserinnerungen zerstören wird:

9. Eher wie “Nightmare on Sesame Street”, oder?

10. DIESES KOSTÜM, DAS ÜBERHAUPT NICHT EXISTIEREN SOLLTE:

12. Dieser selbst gemachte Iron Man ist so traurig wie er unheimlich ist:

13. Und diese selbst gemachte Maske, die dich nachts wachhält:

14. Dieser “Marshmallow Man” sieht aus, als hätte er ein paar Dinge gesehen, die er vergessen will:

15. Keine Sorge Kinder, Captain Planet ist hier, um euch zu Tode zu erschrecken:

18. Kann mich nicht entscheiden, was schlimmer ist: Majin Buus penisförmiges Horn oder seine seelenlosen Augen:

19. Und natürlich dürfen wir die unheimliche Dory nicht vergessen:

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Nur 19 Katzen, die aus Versehen stecken geblieben sind

1. Diese Katze, die sich noch an die Funktionsweise von Glas gewöhnen muss.

2. Und dieses Kätzchen, das sich wirklich größte Mühe gibt, nicht aufzufallen.

3. Dieser Unruhestifter, der GANZ GENAU WUSSTE, dass er nicht mit den Pflanzen zu spielen hat.

4. Dieser Pechvogel, der eine Auseinandersetzung mit einem Kleiderbügel hatte.

5. Dieser Kerl, der zwischen Tür und Fliegenschutz stecken geblieben ist, und jetzt erstmal nachdenken muss.

9. Dieser arme Tropf, der jetzt erstmal seine ganzen Lebensentscheidungen überdenkt.

View this embed ›

15. Dieses Genie, das seine Fähigkeiten schlicht ein wenig überschätzt hat.

16. Und diese Frohnatur, die beim Versuch den Fisch zu fangen hängen blieb.

18. Dieses entmutigte Kätzchen, das nicht anders kann, als den Kopf hängen zu lassen.

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18 Back-Experimente, die ziemlich schnell komplett eskaliert sind

Wir haben die BuzzFeed-Community gebeten, uns ihre schlimmsten Back-Pleiten zu schicken. Hier sind ein paar der unheimlichsten Torten, die wir je gesehen haben!

1. Diese verstümmelte Ente.

Bauer Media

“Meine Mutter und ich haben versucht, diese Ententorte zum 14. Geburtstag meines kleinen Bruders zu machen.“ Am Abend vorher war die Form perfekt, aber der Guss hat den Kuchen dann durchgeweicht und er ist zusammengefallen. Wir lachen noch immer darüber und nennen ihn liebevoll ‘Chips-Lippe’.“

lullek

2. Dieses Pony mit ein paar Problemen.

“Ich glaube, dass ich die nächste Geburtstagstorte für meine Tochter einfach kaufen werde.“

MrsMartin3

3. Dieser Angry Bird, der eher traurig als wütend aussieht.

“Zum Teufel mit Dir, gelber Zuckerguss! Aber mein Sohn hat DIE TORTE GELIEBT.“

nicolaeve

4. Diese armseligen Eisbärtörtchen.

“Meine Mutter hat einmal versucht, süße Eisbärtörtchen zu machen. Aber am Ende sahen sie aus wie geschmolzene Winnie Puuhs.”

cazurely

5. Diese Welt voller Schmerz

“Rückblick auf die Erdtorte mit sieben Schichten, den ich mal mit einem Kumpel gebacken habe, um Zusatzpunkte in der Schule zu bekommen. Das beste war, dass er zusammengebrochen ist, bevor wir ihn abgeben konnten. Und das während ‘The End of World as We Know It’ im Radio lief.“

19olsonel

6. Dieser Haufen

Getty Images

7. Dieser missratene Marmorkuchen.

Getty Images

8. Dieses Weihnachtsbaumtörtchen ohne jede Weihnachtsstimmung.

“Ich hatte gehofft, dass ein paar bunte Liebesperlen meine Weihnachtsbaumtörtchen retten würden … das hat sie jedoch nur noch trauriger aussehen lassen .“

Barney

10. Diese Hochzeitstorte, die nie hätte entstehen dürfen.

“Ich habe sie für die Hochzeit meines Bruders gemacht. Ich wurde zwei Tage zu vor und ohne Vorwarnung gebeten, sie zu machen. Ich habe stundenlang daran gearbeitet und hatte ein Bild von Pinterest als Vorlage von der Braut. Ich habe mir den Arsch abgearbeitet, 20 Minuten zum Umziehen gehabt und dann musste ich los. Die Torte ist nach etwa 10 Minuten Fahrt zusammengebrochen. Sie hat fantastisch geschmeckt, aber die Braut war so sauer auf mich, dass sie sich nicht mal bedankt hat.“

Steinbeck32

11. Dieses Wrack.

“Hm… herzlichen Glückwunsch, Mama… Entschuldigung?“

Trainor85

12. Diese Mousse-Torte, die von Anfang an ein Fehler war.

Getty Images

“Meine Mutter hat eine Schokoladenmousse-Torte für meinen Geburtstag selbst gemacht. Aber ich glaube, dass er die Feuchtigkeit in Texas nicht mochte… er hatte noch eine Schicht, die abfiel, bevor sie die Torte dekorieren konnte.“

jennak46

13. Dieser Schreck.

“Meine Oma backt normalerweise tolle Torten, aber sie konnte viele der Süßigkeiten zur Dekoration nicht auftreiben und musste deshalb improvisieren. Der rote Zuckerguss, den sie benutzt hat, war dann auch zwischendurch alle. Man kann sagen, dass es nicht gut lief, und meine kleinen Cousins sich sehr erschreckt haben.“

jesss41a097ef8

14. Dieses Brandmal.

15. Diese Schokoladentorte, die ~fast~ gelungen ist.

“Meine Schwester und ich haben einmal versucht, eine Schokotorte zum Muttertag zu machen. Wir sind sehr früh aufgestanden und haben stundenlang mit der Zubereitung verbracht. Am Ende ging alles schief. Die Glasur fing an, in die ganze Küche zu triefen (siehe Küchenrolle im Bild) und die Hälfte ist zusammengebrochen! Wir sind den Anweisungen Wort für Wort gefolgt und haben keine Ahnung, was falsch gelaufen ist! Aber sie hat trotzdem gut geschmeckt.“

dmrusso

16. Diese halb geschmolzene Schlosstorte.

Bauer Media

“Wir haben Eishörnchen benutzt, die aber versagt haben. Das Back-Team waren zwei Architekten und ein Lehrer, die davon überzeugt waren, die Meisterwerke ihrer Jugend neu erschaffen zu können … Erfolgsrezept.“

– Carlie Daly (via Instagram)

17. Diese Dino-Katastrophe.

Meine Freunde Callam und Anya (die einmal eine Tomatenkonserve angezündet haben, das nur nebenbei) haben diesen Albtraum gemacht. Zu allem Überfluss hat die Torte auch irgendwie furchtbar geschmeckt.“

jezbangor

18. Und diese gebackene Eiscremetorte, die schon bessere Tage gesehen hat.

Getty Images

“Meine Geschwister und ich haben eine Geburtstags-Tradition, bei der die anderen drei heimlich je eine Schicht machen und alles im letzten Augenblick zusammensetzen. Diese hier hatte unten Biskuit, darauf gebackene Eiscremetorte, dann einen Gelee-See … es hat nicht ganz richtig funktioniert.“

philg1985

Hinweis: Einsendungen wurden hinsichtlich Länge und/oder Eindeutigkeit überarbeitet.

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18 Tiefpunkte, die nur Menschen kennen, die an den Nägel kauen

5. Du hast mal versucht, Deinen Nägeln einfach eine schöne Maniküre zu geben.

Diese schöne Arbeit würdest Du doch niemals zerstören, oder?

6. Hahaha, als ob. Du bist schwach und Deine Nägel haben keine Chance.

Wie naiv bist Du eigentlich?

7. Du hast auch schon versucht, einfach auf etwas anderem zu kauen.

Alles, was Dich von Deinen unschuldigen Nägeln ablenkt.

8. 24 Stunden ohne Nägelkauen fühlt sich wie der größte Triumph der Geschichte an.

10. Und falls es Dir durch Zufall gelingt, Deine Nägel ein Stück wachsen zu lassen, sind sie so empfindlich wie zarte Blütenblätter.

11. Kleine Babynägel. Wie ein Baby sie hätte. Ein neugeborenes Baby mit winzigen, zarten Nägeln.

13. Doch dann sind da noch Niednägel, diese kleinen, abstehenden Nagelhautfetzen.

Die Du unter allen Umständen entfernen musst. Mit animalischer Bisskraft.

16. Die Tage, an denen Deine Finger noch wie solche aussahen, sind leider lange gezählt.

18. Doch tief in Dir drinnen hättest Du gern noch mehr Hände, mit mehr Fingern, also mehr Nägeln zum Abkauen.

Weil Du ein Monster bist.

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21 Awesome Products From Amazon To Put On Your Wish List

Charlotte Gomez / BuzzFeed

We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a small share of sales from the links on this page.

Psst! Amazon has a section featuring products that people put on their wish lists and registries most often.

Here are some of the coolest and most useful products from that section this week:

Click here to pin this post for later.

2. A tangy pineapple wine to use when you make sangria.

There are no reviews yet, but: pineapple + wine…. Aren’t you curious?

Price: $9.99

3. A body pillow shaped like an enormous fox.

They say it’s “lifelike”…. What sort of giant mutant foxes do the manufacturers see in the wild?!?

Promising review: “Larger and softer then I expected! High quality fur and fabric!” —John Kanian

Price: $79.98

4. And a mug to drink tea or coffee out of when you cuddle up with your body pillow.

Promising review: “The shape is nice and feels good in your hands. No reason to be on the fence about this. It might just become your new favorite.” —David Andora

Price: $12.65

5. An “udderly fun” stacking game to play on the farm.

Or not on the farm, but it would be really great to play on a farm.

Promising review: “This purchase was gifted to friends who many times when we call them to ask how are they doing, say they are playing the Cow Stacking game, so five stars…no complaints yet. Blessings.” —Amazonia

Price: $10.27

7. Colorful metal bookends that’ll make you hoot with joy.

Promising review: “These are super cute and work fantastically on my kids bookshelf. They are pretty strong and hold up all my kids normal books and board books well without being TOO heavy that they can’t move them if needed.” —JaclynTurner

Price: $15.99

8. A picnic blanket that fits into a teeny little pouch.

Promising review: “I bought this for a trip to Disneyland and used it when watching parades. It was wonderful and I can’t wait to use it for other things. It is very light and was so easy to fold back up and put in its pouch. Did it in less than one minute on the first try.” —stampinfan

Price: $24.99

Promising review: “Love these cups! My mom had a similar set when I was growing up and I absolutely loved eating ice cream out of them. When I got them and showed my daughter (she’s 4), she was so excited and asked to have an ice cream tea party right away!” —Brittany Doherty

Price: $13.89

10. A perfect-for-small-apartments desk that you can fold up when you’re not working on it.

Promising review: “My daughter does not have a lot of space in her room, but we ordered this and it’s perfect.” —Kimberly Adams

Price: $119.99

11. Pretty rosy blush that comes with a fluffy powder puff.

Promising review: “I have been through the ringer trying to find a good blush: I have tried high end (Butter London, Too Faced, Lancome) and drugstore trusted faves, but so far, this little fella is my favorite yet. It stays on way longer than most creams do, plus the color is wonderful and the packaging is just ridiculously adorable. LOVE.” —Lindsey H.

Price: $6.05

12. A calendar for anyone who still listens to Hamilton all day, every day.

Now available for preorder.

Price: $10.49

13. A cap to wear when you ~hop~ into the shower.

Promising review: “Love this cap! Very sturdy/thick and the elastic works wonderfully!” —Samantha Miller

Price: $7.69

14. A malleable mushroom-shaped lamp that glows in a variety of different colors and can be set to turn off on a timer.

Promising review: “Our 3-year-old was constantly saying that he was afraid of the dark and coming into our room. This light was the solution! It is easy enough to use that he can turn it on and flip thru the colors. The timer is wonderful: we set it for 60 minutes, so it turns off after he is sleeping.” —Kim

Price: $17.96

15. A book for anyone who loves Legos, architecture, or those Lego architecture sets.

Promising review: “This book turned playtime with a 4-year-old into a slight obsession, not just with Legos, but with architecture. Living in NYC, I now walk around not only studying the architecture, but wondering how I could turn certain buildings into Lego models. LOVE THIS BOOK!” —Amazon Customer

Price: $12.14

17. A lovely floral teapot with a stainless steel tea infuser.

Promising review: “The best tea pot I have ever owned! I am a self-confessed Tea Snob, importing teas from all over the world, taking care and time with brewing each cup I drink, so when I say this is the best, I truly mean it.” —Yulia

Price: $27.38

18. A patch that’ll have people asking you, “How do I get to the T. rex enclosure?”

Promising review: “This patch got me so many girlfriends.” —Tone

Okay……?

Price: $2.99

19. A translucent bowling set for kids that’ll actually makes a satisfying clatter noise when they get a strike.

Promising review: “My twin boys (4 years old) now ask if they can go to the bowling alley (AKA playroom) so that they can bowl. Some days they will bowl for 20-30 minutes!!!” —Ashley Bradford

Price: $19.99

20. A wooden storage box for coloring-book lovers to keep their colored pencils in.

Promising review: “Wow, for the price, this wooden pencil box is an amazing buy! It holds all 120 of my Faber Castell colored pencils, with enough room for four blender and burnishing pencils.” —Sassy and Oliver

Price: $22.95

21. And some sweet dividers to help keep children’s closets organized.

Promising review: “Very pretty and larger than I thought, which makes a nice visual distinction in the closet.” —Kelliann K.

Price: $24.99

To see everything else people are wishing for on Amazon, click here.

To see what people were wishing for last week, click here.

The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.

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Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?

Jenny Chang / Jeff Barron / BuzzFeed

We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a small share of sales from the links on this page.

Welcome to another edition of “Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?”

I am your host, Jeff. The game is simple. Try to make it through this entire post without buying something. The list may seem like it’s random, but it’s not.
Don’t plan to buy anything? That’s OK! Stay and enjoy my groanworthy jokes! I italicize each pun for maximum cringe.

Come up with a better pun? Post in the comments! I DO READ ALL THE COMMENTS!

DANGER! PUNS AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! GOOD LUCK, ALL!

You have reached the bottom, but not the end! You can find last week’s edition here.

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17 Beweise dafür, dass Dein Tag gar nicht so scheiße läuft

5. Wenigstens findest Du morgens den Snooze-Button und kannst so in Ruhe verschlafen.

6. Ausnahmsweise bist Du mal nicht derjenige mit so einem richtig dummen Einfall.

7. Und wenigstens nimmt Dich das Personal bei McDonald’s nicht beim Wort. Weil Dich eh nie jemand ernst nimmt.

8. Außerdem geh’ ich davon aus, dass Du dir Deine Zähne heute morgen nicht mit Windel-Salbe geputzt hast.

9. Und danach hast Du bestimmt nicht so eine Riesensauerei angerichtet, weil Du Deine Cornflakes versehentlich in ein Sieb getan hast.

10. Und zum Glück kannst Du Dir gar kein Auto leisten: So kommst Du gar nicht erst in die Versuchung, hinterm Steuer Spaghetti zu essen.

11. Gott sei Dank ist das nicht Dein Rad, dass auf dem Weg zur Arbeit durch ein Sandwich gefechtsunfähig gemacht wurde.

12. Und wurdest Du heute schon fast von einem Krankenhaus-Schild erschlagen?

17. Und wenn Du wieder auf Dein Handy schaust, um zu sehen, wann endlich Feierabend ist, denke dran: Dein Display mag etwas verschmiert sein, aber wenigstens nicht so …

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24 der peinlichsten Dinge, die Leute je im Bett gesagt haben

“Ich habe ihm gerade einen geblasen und kurz bevor er kam, meinte er: ‘Gott, es fühlt sich so an, als hättest Du Deine Zähne herausgenommen’.

Eingesendet von ele4dd60525d

“Wir legen gerade los und er flüstert: ‘Ist das Dein erstes Mal?’ Das war’s definitiv nicht. Es war unser zweites Mal die Woche.”

Eingesendet von Kristen N. Brown, Facebook

“Ich bin mir nicht sicher, was genau er sagen wollte: ‘Ich liebe Dich’ oder ‘Oh, Gott!’ Aber letzen Endes brüllte er ‘Ich liebe dich, Gott!’, als er kam. Das Beste daran war, dass meine Mitbewohnerin im Nachbarzimmer sich vor Lachen nicht mehr eingekriegt hat.

Eingesendet von josis3

“Einer meiner Ex-Freunde hat einen Riesenfurz abgelassen, während er bis zu den Eiern in mir steckte. Er musste erstmal ein paar Minuten lachen, bevor er um Atem ringend meinte: ‘SCHEISSE, DAS WAR BESSER ALS SEX.’”

Eingesendet von Ryan Michael Wildgoose, Facebook

“Er hat mit seinem Schwanz gegen mein Schambein getippt und ‘klopf, klopf‘ gesagt…”

Eingesendet von MW1776

Plush Studios / Getty Images

“Ich hatte mal einen Kerl, der mittendrin meinte: ‘Weißt Du, ich dachte, ich könnte das. Aber ich steh’ glaube ich echt nicht auf asiatische Frauen’.”

Eingesendet von loganm440b1d57b

“Mein Freund und ich hatten gerade Sex, als er stöhnte: ‘Oh, Dein pH ist so gut.’ Als ich ihn am nächsten Tag danach gefragt habe, erklärte er mir: ‘Ohhh! Ich hab so getan, als wär mein Schwanz ein pH-Teststreifen, den ich für eine Probe in Dich einführe.‘“

Eingesendet von jennifern49169f1d8

“Wir hatten gerade ein paar Kekse gegessen. Als wir fertig waren, hat er den Teller zur Seite gestellt, mir direkt in die Augen gesehen und gesagt ‘UND JETZT IST ES ZEIT FÜR MEINE MILCH’ bevor er anfing, an meinen Nippeln zu saugen.“

Eingereicht von lenat4c83b552c

Mein Ex und ich waren kurz davor Sex zu haben und ich hab ihm gesagt, dass ich meine Regel habe. Seine Antwort? “Nenn mich Moses!”

Eingesendet vonbrynnc40458a4e6

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A Hostile Cat Attacked Seven Pit Bulls, Leaving One Scratched And Bloody

1. When a cat in Victoria, B.C. decided to take on seven pit bulls, it was actually the cat that managed to walk away unscratched.

Javiera Rodriguez

2. The dogs were with Javiera Rodriguez and Kyla Grover, the founders of “Pit Bulls of Victoria BC,” a group for pit bull owners that organizes weekly group walks.

Javiera Rodriguez

Kyla Grover

Bandida, Rodriguez’s three-year-old pit bull, and Cali, Grover’s pit bull mix, were in the pack along with five others.

3. Part of the reason they started the group was to address the stereotypes about aggression in pit bulls, which makes what happened next all the more strange.

Kyla Grover

They were passing by a yard where a woman was gardening when a cat came tearing out of the bushes and made a beeline for the dogs, latching on to Bandida’s face.

Javiera Rodriguez

“The lady started screaming, ‘Get your dogs! Get your dogs!’ and we’re like, ‘Get your cat! Get your cat!’” said Rodriguez.

Eventually, Bandida held the cat down to defend herself even as the cat scratched at her face, but none of the dogs fought back.

“If my dog would have wanted to kill that cat, she could have, but she didn’t. She just held it down to stop attacking her.”

4. Grover dove in to separate the animals, getting bitten and scratched in the process.

Kyla Grover

Kyla Grover

“I know if she were to hurt or kill this cat, she would be deemed dangerous and euthanized because of her breed,” said Grover.

5. Grover pulled the cat away and its owner took it inside but Bandida’s face was covered in blood and scratches.

Javiera Rodriguez

“I asked the owner, ‘Is your cat okay,’ and he said, ‘Yes, there’s not one scratch on the cat,’” said Rodriguez.

“So that just shows you how aggressive my pit bull is.”

Rodriguez took Bandida to the vet to have the wounds treated, resulting in a $222 bill.

“Thank god those scratches were only superficial and she didn’t need stitches or anything like that,” she said. “I’m just super grateful she didn’t lose an eye.”

Grover had to get a tetanus shot and antibiotics at a hospital due to her injuries.

6. Rodriguez returned to the cat’s house the next day, where the owners apologied and wrote her a cheque to cover the vet bill. But what she really wants is for the law to treat aggressive animals fairly.

Javiera Rodriguez

She called the city and found out that although there are bylaws for aggressive dogs, there’s nothing for cats.

“I don’t want anything to happen to the cat, I don’t want it to be put down, I don’t want a ban of cats, I don’t want what happens to our dogs to happen to them,” she said.

“When dog owners have an aggressive dog they have to put a sign and the dog has to be a on a leash at all times. I don’t understand why it’s not the same for cats.”

7. Since the attack, Bandida has been less playful and stays by Rodriguez. “She’s always needy, but now she’s very needy for attention,” she said.

Javiera Rodriguez

Grover said she knows it sounds “ridiculous” that a cat would attack seven pit bulls, but says it just shows how pitties aren’t the aggressive breed people think they are.

“It’s just a real good example that they are gentle, they’re just like any other breed of dog. I know a lot of small terrier dogs that would have killed the cat,” said Grover.

“They’re loving, gentle dogs who are not made to kill and fight like people think.”

8. “Honestly, all those prejudices against pit bulls are just wrong,” added Rodriguez. “It’s all about the owners, how you raise your dogs, and the relationship you have with them.”

Javiera Rodriguez

“People need to realize that pit bulls are not bad dogs.”

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Grey Ombré Hair Is The Newest Color Trend And It's Freaking Beautiful

1. A little over a year ago, beauty bloggers started the #GrannyHair trend, dyeing their hair* cool shades of silver and grey.

*Some people straight up got a wig or extensions to avoid damaging their hair in the process.

2. To pin this article, click here.

3. And now, friends, we have been blessed with the ~updated~ trend: Grey ombré hair.

It’s a business on the top, edgy on the bottom kind of situation.

7. Honestly, it is beautiful as hell and perfect for people with naturally dark hair who want to experiment with coloring.

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Dancing Horses At The Olympics Should Get Their Own Fucking Medals

1. People, we need to talk about this. We need to talk about the rank unfairness of the horses in the horse dancing getting bullshit tiny medals, while their humans get the proper ones.

Christian Petersen / Getty Images

2. Obviously, OBVIOUSLY, the horse is the most important part of horse dancing. Just look at this human desperately trying to steal the spotlight.

“Oh, yeah, cool bow, that’s the same as all my dancing, you fuckwit.” – That horse

3. Just look at all this complicated dancing and tell me that the real winner here isn’t the horse. That rider is just along, quite literally, for the ride.

Note: All these GIFs are from the 2012 Olympics, because the IOC is a sensible organisation that wants to promote Rio 2016 sport as openly and widely as possible and wouldn’t do anything ludicrous like try to put a content wall across the entire internet.

4. This horse, which danced to the Grammy Award–winning 1999 hit “Smooth” by Santana featuring Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty from the multi-platinum album Supernatural, deserves its own damn medal.

David Rogers / Getty Images

The horse’s name is Lorenzo. Give Lorenzo a medal.

5. But no. Look at the “medal” they give the horse. It’s not a medal, it’s a joke. It’s basically a goddamn sticker.

John Macdougall / AFP / Getty Images

6. This is the award you give to a 4-year-old who did a particularly good drawing of a house in crayon, not an Olympic champion.

John Macdougall / AFP / Getty Images

Like a really good drawing. One where they remembered to join up the land and the sky and everything.

7. And this horse knows. This horse is clearly sad at the lack of a really good medal. You can’t tell me this horse isn’t really sad about the fact that he doesn’t get a proper medal and instead has to hang out with this nonsense on the side of his head.

David Rogers / Getty Images

8. Especially when his human is holding her actual medal and smiling so happily, despite the horse clearly doing all the actual work of horse dancing.

David Rogers / Getty Images

9. This is what should happen. An appropriate medal. Their own damn medal.

David Rogers / Getty Images

10. Sign up for BuzzFeed’s Rio Roundup newsletter to get the hottest news each day of the games!

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We Tried Kylie Jenner's Ramen Recipe And It Was Good As Hell

1. Hey guys, it’s Lara and Nina! We’re big fans of Kylie Jenner and love doing and trying what she does.

Lara Parker for BuzzFeed

Nina Mohan for BuzzFeed

3. So naturally, we just HAD to try it!

4. First we gathered our ingredients.

Lara Parker

The recipe needs:

1. Two cups of water
2. One egg
3. One packet of ramen noodles
4. One teaspoon of garlic powder
5. One half tablespoon of butter

5. Then we began to cook! First, we boiled water and then added the noodles to it to let them cook for two minutes.

Lara Parker

7. Kylie didn’t specify HOW MUCH garlic powder and butter she put in, so we, um, guessed. We went with one teaspoon of garlic powder and a half tablespoon of butter.

Lara Parker

8. We added the butter, let it cook a little longer, and voilà! Fancy Jenner ramen!

9. Here’s what we thought about the recipe:

Lara Parker/ Nina Mohan

Nina’s thoughts: Look, this ramen is good. But ALL ramen is good. The garlic powder adds a nice little kick to it, and the egg provides great texture. I don’t think I’ll ever make ramen without them again. But the butter was a little much. I think if you’re gonna try this, do a little less butter. It makes the noodles a little too greasy. This is a good recipe, but I think I could come up with a better one. HMU KYLIE.

Lara’s thoughts: This is delicious. Ramen noodles are already delicious, so it’s hard to improve upon perfection, but Kylie managed to do it. I would 100% absolutely eat this again. In fact, maybe I’ll eat it again tonight. I just won’t tell my doctor about it.

10. Overall, we were a little surprised to say that IT WAS FREAKING GOOD AS HELL.

BuzzFeed Video

11. Do you have a better ramen recipe than Kylie? Share in the comments below!

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19 Pizzalieferungs-Fails, die Dir in der Seele weh tun werden

1. Wenn Du Extra-Käse bestellt hast und jemand unbedingt übertreiben musste.

3. Wenn jemand die grandiose Idee hatte, Platz zu sparen, indem die Extra-Sauce direkt auf der Pizza geparkt wird.

Im Ernst?!

6. Wenn Deine vorher perfekte Pizza auf dem Weg zu Dir zu einem Haufen Chaos verkommen ist.

7. Wenn Du stark davon ausgehen musst, dass der Pizzalieferant schon einen im Tee hatte.

Da hat der Roller aber ein paar ordentliche Schlenker gemacht.

8. Wenn Deine Pizza von jemandem mit Zwangsstörung belegt wurde.

“Ja, ich möchte, dass ein Viertel der Pizza ausschließlich mit Oliven bedeckt ist.”

9. Wenn Du dem Lieferanten fast schon zu diesem Desaster gratulieren möchtest.

10. Wenn Dir klar wird, dass wenn Pizza besoffen sein könnte, sie definitiv so aussehen würde.

“Man, bin ich voll!” – diese Pizza wahrscheinlich.

11. Wenn Du anfängst Dich zu wundern, wie man eigentlich und warum und überhaupt… WAS?!”

12. Wenn Deine Pizza eigentlich eingerahmt und an die Wand gehängt werden sollte.

So ein Kunstwerk muss man erstmal schaffen.

13. Wenn Du beim Pizzadienst anrufst, um dich zu beschweren, aber Dir eigentlich die Worte fehlen.

“Ähhhhhmmm…”

14. Wenn Du Deine Freunde unfreiwillig zu dieser Horror-Show eingeladen hast.

IHR HATTET DREI VERSUCHE!!!

15. Wenn Du anfängst die Schuld bei Dir selbst zu suchen.

“Ich meine, vielleicht habe ich zu viele Beläge bestellt?”

16. “Was hab ich getan?”

Okay, vielleicht waren die Würstchen im Pizzarand zu viel.

19. Und wenn Deine Pizza wirklich total missraten ist und Du sie trotzdem komplett verschlingst

WEIL PIZZA.

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