While standing directly in the center of Fox News’ brand-new, two-story election night studio, I became a bit overwhelmed. Under my feet, thousands of LED lights had transformed the floor into a gently rotating royal blue presidential seal. To my left, a 20-something-foot vertical screen displayed every state and its polls closing times. To my right, a 31-foot-long LED wall showed an oscillating, urgent electoral “ALERT” before a new graphic flashed into its place, projecting a shiny gold 6-foot-tall map of Indiana. Just above my peripheral vision, a red news ticker rimming the 2,200 square feet of exterior windows cycled through logos and breaking news. And just above that, the coup de grace: a 528-square-foot, circular “video chandelier” that beamed the words “AMERICA’S ELECTION NIGHT HEADQUARTERS” in action-movie opening credits lettering, against alternating red, white, and blue backgrounds. Test tweets flashed. Electoral projection animations whizzed. Touchscreens were touched. It all felt like standing inside some kind of uncanny, aggressively patriotic space station.
Tonight at 6 p.m., Fox News will likely welcome more than 10 million viewers into that space station, which the network is unveiling for the broadcast it calls “our Super Bowl.” Embattled after a summer in which founding chairman and CEO Roger Ailes was forced out over sexual harassment allegations, Fox News is using its election night broadcast and new, reportedly $30 million studio to make a statement. Namely, that it is still a monolithic, indestructible media powerhouse, capable of outpixeling and outspending rivals new and old. The message: We are titanic and we are invulnerable.
“It’s a bit of sensory overload, right?” Alan Komissaroff, senior executive producer for Fox’s election night broadcast, said of the set — which, just a few years ago, was a Charles Schwab branch. “There’s so much information to bring in — House races, Senate races, exit polls — throughout the night but you have to present it differently, otherwise it gets boring and now we have dozens of ways to do that.” When I asked Komissaroff if all the extremely pricey bells and whistles and pixels were essential to the election team’s success this evening, he laughed. “Is it necessary?” he said, gesturing upward to the looming video chandelier, which had begun to whir in preparation to lower to the ground. “Well, it looks really good.”
And while the video chandelier is likely to be the object of a few laughs on Twitter, it does look pretty good. More importantly, it represents an investment few (if any) media outlets could pull off. Fox News is a titanic force, thanks in part to Donald Trump and an unprecedented election cycle; the network recently reported record revenues: an estimated $2.62 billion in 2016. The past year may have been tough for Fox spiritually, but at least the ratings have been great, starting in 2015 when its first GOP debate pulled in 24 million viewers.
Fox is no stranger to big ratings — it led cable news during 2012’s election night broadcasts with 11 million viewers. But the network has more to prove this cycle. Among the concerns: 1) Megyn Kelly, an election night anchor and arguably the network’s biggest star, whose contract is due up next year and is reportedly seeking north of $20 million per year; 2) the slow recovery from the fallout of the Ailes ouster, which has cast a shadow of uncertainty as to the network’s direction in the coming years; 3) the fact that its audience is growing perilously older by the year —with a median viewer age of 67 in 2015 (though it does occupy the top spot in three of the top five cable news programs in the 18–49 demographic); and 4) an increasingly sinister brand of media criticism and distrust from Trump supporters, from which Fox News is not exempt. (Two weeks ago, Trump surrogate and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich railed against Kelly for displaying bias against the Republican candidate.)
It was amid that chaos that rumors began to surface of the prospect of Trump extending his brand into video news. And despite the candidate’s insistence that he has no plans, those rumors have continually inched closer to reality. Three weeks ago, the Financial Times reported that Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner was in the early phases of shopping a Trump TV network. Just a day later, Trump’s official Facebook page hosted a pre- and post-debate livestream event, complete with graphics and chyrons — perhaps Trump TV’s inaugural broadcast. It was viewed 9 million times. Since then, Trump TV has spent the last two weeks conducting nightly news broadcasts over Facebook Live from Trump Tower with advisers and campaign staffers. The campaign has even set aside a camera spot for “Trump TV” at the candidate’s election night party headquarters.
Despite the myriad challenges facing a potential Trump TV venture (including Trump’s own interest level and the discipline to fund and follow through on it, and the fact that it would likely have to be a streaming subscription service — a business model that’s notoriously tough to crack), the rumors and the attendant buzz around a new offering suggest a desire in a certain branch of the right for a different flavor of cable news. One more like Breitbart (previously run by Trump’s campaign CEO Steve Bannon), which more closely mirrors Trump’s brash, alt-right oriented movement.
Fox’s election night broadcast marks an important 20-year anniversary. Yet it’s also a moment for the network to flex its muscle against both its traditional rivals — like CNN and MSNBC — and a crop of new online programming debuting from the likes of MTV, Vice, and others (including BuzzFeed News, which will broadcast an election night show live on Twitter). As such, the video chandelier and surplus of gorgeous HD touch screens are a not-so-subtle gesture toward Fox’s war chest and elite subscription fee revenues and soaring advertising rates — 30-second ad spots for Fox News’ second primary debate sold for as much as $260,000 last year.
And while the LED lights and banners make for a great backdrop, they also represent a crucial tension that will play out on media’s biggest stages for the next few years as incumbent networks try to spend new media into oblivion while their audiences skew increasingly older. In many ways, Fox reflects the challenge facing all the incumbent cable networks: Is money enough to fend off rising digital challengers?
“I think you’d be naive not to see the future of the media as moving onto all kinds of platforms,” Martha MacCallum, a co-host of Fox’s America’s Newsroom, said. “I think competition is healthy but people tune in to us is because they feel a connection and they trust us to give the facts to them straight.” MacCallum, who will lead the network’s on-air exit polls analysis, stressed that while there may be increased frustrations with the media, Fox News’ reporters, researchers, and decision desk provide the necessary perspective to cut through its viewers’ online filter bubbles and echo chambers.
When asked about any worry of an insurgent Trump TV, MacCallum was quick to dismiss it as partisan noise. “I’m no more concerned with the idea than, say, a Newsmax or Breitbart, which are already out there and fit into that filter bubble category,” she said.
MacCallum’s co-host and election night companion Bill Hemmer echoed the point. “I think with the technology available today there are more outlets able to experiment, but it’s not very easy to do what we do,” he explained from his election night perch on the second floor of the new studio. “There’s a lot of nuance to it. I read all the trades and I see what people trying to do and what they’re saying [with regard to Trump TV] — but I think the point to be made is that it’s a lot more difficult than it looks.”
With 30 hours and 10,000 things to test before air, that difficulty was on display behind the scenes. As Hemmer spoke, a half dozen contractors drilled and hammered finishing pieces into place, while the crew adjusted and tweaked settings on the set’s 14 cameras. Frantic producers cycled in and out, constantly prodding the 34 touch screens to zoom in on precincts and counties and trigger any number of flashy animations. Lights oscillated, cycling through color sequences, and at one point a test tweet as big as my body popped up on the video chandelier. It all felt incredibly complex, dizzying, and expensive. And while it will most likely draw tens of millions more eyes than Trump’s public access-style live show or many of the stripped-down online broadcasts, it’s unclear how much the $30 million competitive advantage really means to anxious viewers at home trying to watch the returns.
As Hemmer sees it, the evening’s production value will send a clear message to viewers. “One of the best ways to display the gravity of the night is to demonstrate the power of TV, which, despite all the advances of technology, is still a number one source. It’s the reason why you have tens of millions watching tomorrow.”
From the control room — in between finding the perfect moments to raise and lower and show America his video chandelier — Komissaroff may keep an eye on what the smaller players are up to, but he’s not concerned. As a news producer, Facebook Live and any number of other nascent broadcasts are new resources for him to utilize, made all the more important to the news-gathering process by the fact that presidential candidates are using them.
As for his thoughts on Trump’s little broadcast experiments? “I honestly haven’t even thought about it, but I’m not worried about it. It’s not the same thing. We’re a news organization,” he said. “Plus, I think our graphics look better.”
hi, i’m johnny depp. after a successful multi-year project to ruin myself i’ve decided to branch out into ruining other stuff you once liked
— the spooky papa (@markpopham)
I’m livid about the Johnny Depp casting. It’s revealed that you attacked and abused your wife and then you get this? No. Absolutely not.
— Rosianna Halse Rojas (@papertimelady)
a wild idea: what if we didn’t put a domestic abuser in one of the most culturally significant and morally formative franchises of our time
— claudia morales (@mostlyclaudia)
— victória (@foofightin)
“Johnny Depp joins the cast of the Fantastic Beasts sequel.”
— Denizcan James (@MrFilmkritik)
now I have to choose between supporting a domestic abuser and harry potter? fuck this noise!
— Anna Menta (@annalikestweets)
remember when megan fox didn’t like michael bay so her career got ruined, and johnny depp abused his wife so got a huge 5 film franchise?
— Anna Menta (@annalikestweets)
Johnny Depp and Chris brown are smashing their careers like they never abused women – and we’re all staying quiet like that’s fine. It isn’t
— Sammy 👅💦 (@Little_Fickle)
I thought I’d wake up feeling less angry but no, I’m a mix of Hermione when she finds out there are house elves at Hogwarts and OOTP Harry.
— Rosianna Halse Rojas (@papertimelady)
Even if it’s too late to take Johnny Depp out of Fantastic Beasts, just give him Polyjuice Potion for the sequel!!! You have magic!!
— Victoria Gravyard 🦃 (@VictoriaAveyard)
terrible that Johnny Depp is gonna be in a HP movie but fitting that he’s probably playing Grindelwald, as they are both THE FUCKING WORST
— LOTTIE (@lotstradamus)
hello @jk_rowling @FantasticBeasts the Harry Potter universe is all about being against the abuse of power and yet you cast a known abuser?
— Natalie (@wednesdaydreams)
Harry Potter is so obviously condemning any type of abuse (i.e Umbridge, Dursleys, Tom Riddle), so how can they allow this? #FantasticBeasts
— Niki (@nikivfaber)
What really gets me, is how many victims of abuse have used the Harry Potter franchise as a means to heal. How must they feel today? How.
— Holly Bourne (@holly_bourneYA)
DU GEHÖRST DOCH EINGESPERRT!
Pike Place Roast
Pumpkin Spice Latte
Iced black tea lemonade
White chocolate mocha
“Meine Mutter und ich haben versucht, diese Ententorte zum 14. Geburtstag meines kleinen Bruders zu machen.“ Am Abend vorher war die Form perfekt, aber der Guss hat den Kuchen dann durchgeweicht und er ist zusammengefallen. Wir lachen noch immer darüber und nennen ihn liebevoll ‘Chips-Lippe’.“
“Ich glaube, dass ich die nächste Geburtstagstorte für meine Tochter einfach kaufen werde.“
“Zum Teufel mit Dir, gelber Zuckerguss! Aber mein Sohn hat DIE TORTE GELIEBT.“
“Meine Mutter hat einmal versucht, süße Eisbärtörtchen zu machen. Aber am Ende sahen sie aus wie geschmolzene Winnie Puuhs.”
“Rückblick auf die Erdtorte mit sieben Schichten, den ich mal mit einem Kumpel gebacken habe, um Zusatzpunkte in der Schule zu bekommen. Das beste war, dass er zusammengebrochen ist, bevor wir ihn abgeben konnten. Und das während ‘The End of World as We Know It’ im Radio lief.“
“Ich habe sie für die Hochzeit meines Bruders gemacht. Ich wurde zwei Tage zu vor und ohne Vorwarnung gebeten, sie zu machen. Ich habe stundenlang daran gearbeitet und hatte ein Bild von Pinterest als Vorlage von der Braut. Ich habe mir den Arsch abgearbeitet, 20 Minuten zum Umziehen gehabt und dann musste ich los. Die Torte ist nach etwa 10 Minuten Fahrt zusammengebrochen. Sie hat fantastisch geschmeckt, aber die Braut war so sauer auf mich, dass sie sich nicht mal bedankt hat.“
“Hm… herzlichen Glückwunsch, Mama… Entschuldigung?“
“Meine Mutter hat eine Schokoladenmousse-Torte für meinen Geburtstag selbst gemacht. Aber ich glaube, dass er die Feuchtigkeit in Texas nicht mochte… er hatte noch eine Schicht, die abfiel, bevor sie die Torte dekorieren konnte.“
“Meine Oma backt normalerweise tolle Torten, aber sie konnte viele der Süßigkeiten zur Dekoration nicht auftreiben und musste deshalb improvisieren. Der rote Zuckerguss, den sie benutzt hat, war dann auch zwischendurch alle. Man kann sagen, dass es nicht gut lief, und meine kleinen Cousins sich sehr erschreckt haben.“
“Meine Schwester und ich haben einmal versucht, eine Schokotorte zum Muttertag zu machen. Wir sind sehr früh aufgestanden und haben stundenlang mit der Zubereitung verbracht. Am Ende ging alles schief. Die Glasur fing an, in die ganze Küche zu triefen (siehe Küchenrolle im Bild) und die Hälfte ist zusammengebrochen! Wir sind den Anweisungen Wort für Wort gefolgt und haben keine Ahnung, was falsch gelaufen ist! Aber sie hat trotzdem gut geschmeckt.“
“Wir haben Eishörnchen benutzt, die aber versagt haben. Das Back-Team waren zwei Architekten und ein Lehrer, die davon überzeugt waren, die Meisterwerke ihrer Jugend neu erschaffen zu können … Erfolgsrezept.“
– Carlie Daly (via Instagram)
Meine Freunde Callam und Anya (die einmal eine Tomatenkonserve angezündet haben, das nur nebenbei) haben diesen Albtraum gemacht. Zu allem Überfluss hat die Torte auch irgendwie furchtbar geschmeckt.“
“Meine Geschwister und ich haben eine Geburtstags-Tradition, bei der die anderen drei heimlich je eine Schicht machen und alles im letzten Augenblick zusammensetzen. Diese hier hatte unten Biskuit, darauf gebackene Eiscremetorte, dann einen Gelee-See … es hat nicht ganz richtig funktioniert.“
Hinweis: Einsendungen wurden hinsichtlich Länge und/oder Eindeutigkeit überarbeitet.
Diese schöne Arbeit würdest Du doch niemals zerstören, oder?
Wie naiv bist Du eigentlich?
Alles, was Dich von Deinen unschuldigen Nägeln ablenkt.
Die Du unter allen Umständen entfernen musst. Mit animalischer Bisskraft.
Weil Du ein Monster bist.
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Or not on the farm, but it would be really great to play on a farm.
Promising review: “This purchase was gifted to friends who many times when we call them to ask how are they doing, say they are playing the Cow Stacking game, so five stars…no complaints yet. Blessings.” —Amazonia
Promising review: “These are super cute and work fantastically on my kids bookshelf. They are pretty strong and hold up all my kids normal books and board books well without being TOO heavy that they can’t move them if needed.” —JaclynTurner
Promising review: “I bought this for a trip to Disneyland and used it when watching parades. It was wonderful and I can’t wait to use it for other things. It is very light and was so easy to fold back up and put in its pouch. Did it in less than one minute on the first try.” —stampinfan
Promising review: “Love these cups! My mom had a similar set when I was growing up and I absolutely loved eating ice cream out of them. When I got them and showed my daughter (she’s 4), she was so excited and asked to have an ice cream tea party right away!” —Brittany Doherty
Promising review: “I have been through the ringer trying to find a good blush: I have tried high end (Butter London, Too Faced, Lancome) and drugstore trusted faves, but so far, this little fella is my favorite yet. It stays on way longer than most creams do, plus the color is wonderful and the packaging is just ridiculously adorable. LOVE.” —Lindsey H.
Promising review: “Our 3-year-old was constantly saying that he was afraid of the dark and coming into our room. This light was the solution! It is easy enough to use that he can turn it on and flip thru the colors. The timer is wonderful: we set it for 60 minutes, so it turns off after he is sleeping.” —Kim
Promising review: “This book turned playtime with a 4-year-old into a slight obsession, not just with Legos, but with architecture. Living in NYC, I now walk around not only studying the architecture, but wondering how I could turn certain buildings into Lego models. LOVE THIS BOOK!” —Amazon Customer
Promising review: “The best tea pot I have ever owned! I am a self-confessed Tea Snob, importing teas from all over the world, taking care and time with brewing each cup I drink, so when I say this is the best, I truly mean it.” —Yulia
Promising review: “My twin boys (4 years old) now ask if they can go to the bowling alley (AKA playroom) so that they can bowl. Some days they will bowl for 20-30 minutes!!!” —Ashley Bradford
Promising review: “Wow, for the price, this wooden pencil box is an amazing buy! It holds all 120 of my Faber Castell colored pencils, with enough room for four blender and burnishing pencils.” —Sassy and Oliver
We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a small share of sales from the links on this page.
I am your host, Jeff. The game is simple. Try to make it through this entire post without buying something. The list may seem like it’s random, but it’s not.
Don’t plan to buy anything? That’s OK! Stay and enjoy my groanworthy jokes! I italicize each pun for maximum cringe.
Come up with a better pun? Post in the comments! I DO READ ALL THE COMMENTS!
DANGER! PUNS AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! GOOD LUCK, ALL!
“Ich habe ihm gerade einen geblasen und kurz bevor er kam, meinte er: ‘Gott, es fühlt sich so an, als hättest Du Deine Zähne herausgenommen’.”
Eingesendet von ele4dd60525d
“Wir legen gerade los und er flüstert: ‘Ist das Dein erstes Mal?’ Das war’s definitiv nicht. Es war unser zweites Mal die Woche.”
Eingesendet von Kristen N. Brown, Facebook
“Ich bin mir nicht sicher, was genau er sagen wollte: ‘Ich liebe Dich’ oder ‘Oh, Gott!’ Aber letzen Endes brüllte er ‘Ich liebe dich, Gott!’, als er kam. Das Beste daran war, dass meine Mitbewohnerin im Nachbarzimmer sich vor Lachen nicht mehr eingekriegt hat.
Eingesendet von josis3
“Einer meiner Ex-Freunde hat einen Riesenfurz abgelassen, während er bis zu den Eiern in mir steckte. Er musste erstmal ein paar Minuten lachen, bevor er um Atem ringend meinte: ‘SCHEISSE, DAS WAR BESSER ALS SEX.’”
Eingesendet von Ryan Michael Wildgoose, Facebook
“Er hat mit seinem Schwanz gegen mein Schambein getippt und ‘klopf, klopf‘ gesagt…”
Eingesendet von MW1776
“Ich hatte mal einen Kerl, der mittendrin meinte: ‘Weißt Du, ich dachte, ich könnte das. Aber ich steh’ glaube ich echt nicht auf asiatische Frauen’.”
Eingesendet von loganm440b1d57b
“Mein Freund und ich hatten gerade Sex, als er stöhnte: ‘Oh, Dein pH ist so gut.’ Als ich ihn am nächsten Tag danach gefragt habe, erklärte er mir: ‘Ohhh! Ich hab so getan, als wär mein Schwanz ein pH-Teststreifen, den ich für eine Probe in Dich einführe.‘“
Eingesendet von jennifern49169f1d8
“Wir hatten gerade ein paar Kekse gegessen. Als wir fertig waren, hat er den Teller zur Seite gestellt, mir direkt in die Augen gesehen und gesagt ‘UND JETZT IST ES ZEIT FÜR MEINE MILCH’ bevor er anfing, an meinen Nippeln zu saugen.“
Eingereicht von lenat4c83b552c
Mein Ex und ich waren kurz davor Sex zu haben und ich hab ihm gesagt, dass ich meine Regel habe. Seine Antwort? “Nenn mich Moses!”
Bandida, Rodriguez’s three-year-old pit bull, and Cali, Grover’s pit bull mix, were in the pack along with five others.
“The lady started screaming, ‘Get your dogs! Get your dogs!’ and we’re like, ‘Get your cat! Get your cat!’” said Rodriguez.
Eventually, Bandida held the cat down to defend herself even as the cat scratched at her face, but none of the dogs fought back.
“If my dog would have wanted to kill that cat, she could have, but she didn’t. She just held it down to stop attacking her.”
“I know if she were to hurt or kill this cat, she would be deemed dangerous and euthanized because of her breed,” said Grover.
“I asked the owner, ‘Is your cat okay,’ and he said, ‘Yes, there’s not one scratch on the cat,’” said Rodriguez.
“So that just shows you how aggressive my pit bull is.”
Rodriguez took Bandida to the vet to have the wounds treated, resulting in a $222 bill.
“Thank god those scratches were only superficial and she didn’t need stitches or anything like that,” she said. “I’m just super grateful she didn’t lose an eye.”
Grover had to get a tetanus shot and antibiotics at a hospital due to her injuries.
She called the city and found out that although there are bylaws for aggressive dogs, there’s nothing for cats.
“I don’t want anything to happen to the cat, I don’t want it to be put down, I don’t want a ban of cats, I don’t want what happens to our dogs to happen to them,” she said.
“When dog owners have an aggressive dog they have to put a sign and the dog has to be a on a leash at all times. I don’t understand why it’s not the same for cats.”
Grover said she knows it sounds “ridiculous” that a cat would attack seven pit bulls, but says it just shows how pitties aren’t the aggressive breed people think they are.
“It’s just a real good example that they are gentle, they’re just like any other breed of dog. I know a lot of small terrier dogs that would have killed the cat,” said Grover.
“They’re loving, gentle dogs who are not made to kill and fight like people think.”
“People need to realize that pit bulls are not bad dogs.”
It’s a business on the top, edgy on the bottom kind of situation.
“Oh, yeah, cool bow, that’s the same as all my dancing, you fuckwit.” – That horse
Note: All these GIFs are from the 2012 Olympics, because the IOC is a sensible organisation that wants to promote Rio 2016 sport as openly and widely as possible and wouldn’t do anything ludicrous like try to put a content wall across the entire internet.
The horse’s name is Lorenzo. Give Lorenzo a medal.
Like a really good drawing. One where they remembered to join up the land and the sky and everything.
The recipe needs:
1. Two cups of water
2. One egg
3. One packet of ramen noodles
4. One teaspoon of garlic powder
5. One half tablespoon of butter
Nina’s thoughts: Look, this ramen is good. But ALL ramen is good. The garlic powder adds a nice little kick to it, and the egg provides great texture. I don’t think I’ll ever make ramen without them again. But the butter was a little much. I think if you’re gonna try this, do a little less butter. It makes the noodles a little too greasy. This is a good recipe, but I think I could come up with a better one. HMU KYLIE.
Lara’s thoughts: This is delicious. Ramen noodles are already delicious, so it’s hard to improve upon perfection, but Kylie managed to do it. I would 100% absolutely eat this again. In fact, maybe I’ll eat it again tonight. I just won’t tell my doctor about it.
Da hat der Roller aber ein paar ordentliche Schlenker gemacht.
“Ja, ich möchte, dass ein Viertel der Pizza ausschließlich mit Oliven bedeckt ist.”
“Man, bin ich voll!” – diese Pizza wahrscheinlich.
So ein Kunstwerk muss man erstmal schaffen.
IHR HATTET DREI VERSUCHE!!!
“Ich meine, vielleicht habe ich zu viele Beläge bestellt?”
Okay, vielleicht waren die Würstchen im Pizzarand zu viel.