31 Valentines Gift Horror Stories That’ll Make You Glad You’re Single
1. A toilet seat.
“My ex partner bought me a toilet seat. It had roses on it and he thought I’d appreciate that because I like roses and I needed a new toilet seat. Also. No card. Ever. Because he didn’t ‘believe’ in cards.” – Gonzo Steele, Facebook
2. A coupon for chocolates.
“I was dating this guy for about two years and one Valentine’s Day he got me a coupon for chocolates at the local grocery store. No card, just a coupon. Let’s just say we didn’t last long after that.” – Annabelle Marie, Facebook
3. A hammer.
“He came over to my house, gave me a card, and told me he wanted to make this a Valentine’s Day I would never forget. He directed me to close my eyes and put out my hands. I was so excited and nervous! Then… he gave me a hammer. I still have it. It has a lifetime warranty.” – Nichole Marie, Facebook
4. A gun rack.
“I don’t own a gun.” – Matt Renkas, Facebook
6. Jeans two sizes too small.
“My now-ex boyfriend bought me a pair of jeans and a couple of dresses a few sizes to small as a motivation to lose weight and get skinner. He actually called me to ask my size and I told him a six, he bought me a two.” – jcb3262
9. A novelty mug with a questionable slogan.
“I was rekindling things with my ex and he told me he had something special planned for Valentine’s Day. He gave me a beer pong set and a candy bouquet in a Charlie Brown and Snoopy mug that said, ‘I don’t have a girlfriend, just a dog’. He then proceeded to say, ‘It’s funny because you’re not my girlfriend, but I do have a dog. Happy Valentine’s Day!’ We never got back together.” – Jessica Wright, Facebook
10. Car tires.
“After he pointed out different pieces of jewellery in store windows, he let me know my gift was in the glove box of my car. I found a receipt for two new tires. I burst into tears. He later let me know he got his last girlfriend an oil change for Valentine’s Day that was not well received either.” – Catherine Sheeran, Facebook
11. A card addressed to a different girlfriend.
“Well, I once got a ‘heartfelt’ card from a boyfriend. The long and loving note he wrote inside was about all these things we’d never experienced together. It turns out that he got the cards switched with his other girlfriend and didn’t know it. We stopped dating after that…” – Krystal Adams, Facebook
12. A DIY candle kit.
“For our first Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend got me five pounds of soy wax, about 1000 wicks, a case of empty mason jars and a ton of scented oils. He got me the pieces to make candles. I have never expressed any interest in making my own candles.” – Karin Buck, Facebook
13. A hard drive of pirated movies.
“It was my fifth Valentine’s Day with my ex and I gave him a promise ring and a key to my house. He gave me nothing. Two days later he came home with a Dick Smith bag and handed it to me. Inside was a hard drive on which he put all his favourite movies and TV shows… needless to say when we broke up he took the hard drive.” – Ali Burgess, Facebook
14. A tub of Vicks VapoRub.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love me some VapoRub, so at first I was all like, “aww how sweet he really knows me,” then I realized he literally just bought a $4 tub of stuff that makes me smell like an old lady.” – Quinette Jefferies, Facebook
16. A rape alarm.
“I got my partner a rape alarm once… didn’t go down too well. I thought it conveyed that I wanted her to be safe.” – Philippa Mancini-Warcup, Facebook
17. An assortment of shit from his mum’s house.
“I received a used, knock-off Yankee Candle that he stole from his mum’s bathroom, a paperweight from his Dad’s desk, a necklace that he also stole from his Mum’s room (I returned these things immediately), and a bar of chocolate that I had literally bought him the day before. I know this because I had already eaten a line of it. That relationship did not last very long.” – Cella Perrone, Facebook
18. Easter eggs.
“My birthday is on Valentine’s Day and my now-ex bought me a six-pack of Creme Eggs. Easter chocolate? I don’t even like chocolate.” – Emily Priestley, Facebook
19. A home enema kit.
“A wallet and a home enema kit.” – Paul Sherry, Facebook
22. A Yu-Gi-Oh card.
“One year me and my ex were fighting but he promised to make it up to me on Valentine’s Day. He kept asking me to have a ‘change of heart’ and I didn’t understand what he meant by it, until he gave me his one and only Valentine’s gift. It was a fucking change of heart Yu-Gi-Oh card. No chocolate, no flowers, a fucking child’s game card.” – kyleah
23. Illicit drugs.
“My ex and I decided to spend the night at a B&B on Valentine’s Day which was nice and romantic. Halfway in he pulls out a little bag of speed to share, the king of romance and seduction. I don’t do drugs and didn’t even know he did them.” – ih8emily
“Valentine’s Day is my birthday. My (now ex) boyfriend of a year and a half gave me a three-pack of socks, unwrapped, without a card.” – Grace Lavelle, Facebook
31. And half a chicken sandwich.
“I spent weeks drawing this amazing portrait of her to give to her on Valentine’s Day. When I finally gave her the portrait, she looked at it and said, ‘Oh, was I supposed to get you something?’ and then gave me the other half of her chicken salad sandwich. I was vegetarian at the time.” – Viv Jean, Facebook