1. I AM SO HYPED AND HOPE THIS ISN’T A DISASTER.
2. People keep talking about how the budget for the opening ceremony was slashed and how they have to do a lot with very little and now I’m honestly rooting so hard for this to be great.
3. All these aerial shots are gorgeous.
4. So many shiny silver suits. It’s like we’re in an early-’00s Puff Daddy video.
5. I didn’t know Brazil’s national anthem was so jaunty.
6. What if Paulinho da Viola just broke out into “Wonderwall” right now?
7. Should they be bringing up microbes considering the water quality?
8. Should they be bringing up insects considering the the Zika stuff?
9. New career goal: large mechanical centipede puppeteer.
10. Honestly, considering the budget cuts, trying to do a performance about the history of Brazil starting with THE BIRTH OF ALL LIFE ON EARTH is pretty ambitious.
11. So when does Queen Elizabeth parachute in?
12. The floor pattern reminds me of the upside-down in Stranger Things, but like, mixed with Monster energy drink.
13. “These are giant elastic bands.” Yeah I recognize those, I’m pretty sure they were in my mouth back when I had braces.
14. Honestly thank god for Bob Costas because otherwise all this metaphor would go straight over my head.
15. This is the new opening for Game of Thrones, right?
16. New career goal: guy riding top of Portuguese ship like a see-saw.
17. WEST SIDE STORY PARKOUR!
18. OK, so we didn’t get James Bond and the Queen parachuting in, but we do get old-timey paper airplane guy giving us a flying tour of Rio, so fair trade.
19. Drinking game: take a shot every time they show Christ the Redeemer.
20. There’s been a lot of old guys singing thus far.
21. Gisele’s here!
22. Longest runway walk of Gisele’s life.
23. Runway walking should be an Olympic sport tbh.
24. What was this call to Gisele like? “Hey, we want you to be in the opening ceremony.” “OK great! What do I do?” “Just walk in a straight line about 100 yards and then peace out.”
25. And now, a game of Qbert:
26. New career goal: person waving around giant sparklers.
27. Can I get one of those silver sparkly Cousin Itt suits? I need it for stuff. And things.
28. OK, I need it for Mad Max cosplay. You got me.
29. Is this what raves are like?
30. Is Bob Costas commentating a rave right now?
31. Oh dang they’re getting serious about global warming here.
32. Is the GOP watching? They could learn a bit about climate change AND evolution from this.
33. Man, this thing just got depressingly real.
34. NBD just watching all the world’s major cities be flooded.
35. Lotta people saying that London was better but really London was just kinda like “WE’RE THE BEST! CORGIS!” While this one is like, “Wake the fuck up we’re all gonna die,” so props where they’re due.
36. YES it’s time for the Parade of Nations!
37. Maybe these Dr. Seuss bicycles will cheer me up.