1. The Nair down there.
I once used Nair on my bikini zone and it worked great, so I thought: “Why not hit up the lower area too?” I applied the Nair on my vagina and after a few moments I realized I was burning my labia off. I then went into my room and applied Aloe Vera directly into my snootch, which made it burn even worse because apparently that’s not made for vaginas either. The next day my vagina was swollen shut.
2. The thorny bush.
I was riding my bike and it randomly hooked onto something. I fell forward, vagina first, into a rose bush. I screamed in pain while my gynecologist removed 18 thorns from my vagina with tweezers. Needless to say my vagina has never been the same.
3. The slipped shaver.
I sneezed while shaving my vagina and the razor slipped, cutting the inside of my labia. I had the worst rash ever. I went to ER because of the extreme pain, and there were blisters everywhere. I then tried to remove the tampon that was still inside of me, but it got stuck. I had to rip it out with the skin attached. Now, I make sure to be careful when shaving.
4. The lingering condom.
After a bad breakup in college, I went out with some girlfriends and ended up going home with someone. Three days later, I felt something weird when I went to the bathroom. I pulled out a condom that still held semen in it. I went three days without noticing a filled condom was stuck up in my vagina.
5. The burning lady bits.
I got out of the bathtub and sat on the lid of the toilet to remove my nail polish, and the bottle in my lap spilled acetone all over my lady bits. It burned A LOT, like fire. I ended up running cold water into the tub, jumping in, and pawing at the water like a crazy person to splash myself clean. It was utter betrayal.
6. The lost cock ring.
When my boyfriend and I were having sex, I got his cock ring stuck far into my vagina. Like. really up in there. So for the next 10 minutes, my boyfriend practiced his gynecology skills and eventually got it out with the long end of a kitchen spoon. Needless to say, nothing was awkward for us from then on out.
7. The buzzing toothbrush.
In my teen years I used an electric toothbrush as a vibrator. After a few minutes, it started to burn because a little bit of mint toothpaste was still on it. I tried to take the toothbrush out, but it got caught inside of my vagina. After a few forceful tugs, it finally came loose. I never did that again.
8. The IUDick.
I was finally getting with this gorgeous guy. Everything went great, and after he finished, he cuddled while he was still inside of me. After about five minutes, he excused himself to clean up and came back looking horrified. He said: “So, you’re still on your period.” Upon later inspection, it turned out his dick was bloody because he went too far up and removed my IUD.
9. The pussy pimple.
I got a horrible pimple on the hood of my clit. I tried to pop it one night, but it was just too painful. The pimple kept getting bigger and bigger until it was the size of a marble. It was so swollen and the skin was so sensitive that when I walked or sat down, it rubbed against my underwear and pants. It eventually popped on its own, and the amount of puss that came out was insane.
10. The creepy crawler.
One night, a spider crawled up my shorts while I was sleeping and took a bite out of my vagina. I ended up with a severe staph infection and my entire woman area was swollen to the size of an orange.
11. The bloody shoes.
I fell asleep on the bus and I bled through my black leggings. They were soaked when I got to school, and I didn’t want to sit anywhere and leave another puddle of blood, so I decided to sit on my foot because I thought it’d eventually dry. I was wearing white keds that day, so when I got up my entire foot was covered in period blood. I still haven’t forgiven my vagina.
12. The high school gusher.
Recently I was walking with my boyfriend when I felt something happen down under. In the middle of a crowded high school hallway, a huge gush of blood seeped right through my pants. He saw the horrified look in my eyes, and I immediately grabbed his sweatshirt to cover myself. Luckily his sweatshirt was red, so the stain was pretty easy to get out.
13. The minty eater.
In my freshman year of college, my ex-boyfriend decided he wanted to get kinky. He told me to shut my eyes and just enjoy it. He started going down on me and I suddenly felt a major burn on my clit. For some reason, he thought it’d feel good to put a ton of Crest toothpaste on his tongue while going down on me. It was definitely not.
14. The cayenne tampon.
I used to work at a bulk food store, and one day I went to the washroom to change my tampon. I did my thing, and then a few seconds later it felt like my vagina was on fire. That’s when I remembered I had just finished topping up the bin of cayenne pepper and didn’t wash my hands before inserting my tampon.
15. The spread-eagle party.
I was at the health clinic, spread out with my feet up in stirrups, with only a little paper napkin across my lap to protect my modesty. When the nurse sat down in the chair, it shot out from beneath her and she landed on her elbow with an audible crack. Two nurses and a doctor ran in to help, all while I sat there, cranked up in the air with my lady bits in full and glorious view of everyone. I was glad I waxed the day before.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.