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23 Parents Share The Weirdest Things They Ever Did For Their Kids

1. “My three-year-old had battled an afternoon of diarrhea so I fanned his raw butthole with an alphabet flash card.”

"My three-year-old had battled an afternoon of diarrhea so I fanned his raw butthole with an alphabet flash card."

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Spohr/BuzzFeed

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2. “I went grocery shopping with my kid in our animal onesies.”

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3. “My six-foot-five, 300 pound dad dressed up as Taylor Swift and sang one of her songs at the busiest place in town in order to win me concert tickets.”

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6. “I pretend to be a broken down tractor and my son ‘fixes’ me (usually with a toy saw), puts fuel in me (my soft drink), then hops on my back for a ride.”

— Natalie James, Facebook

7. “My daughter wouldn’t nurse while I held her, so I put her on the floor, got on all fours, and nursed her like a cow.”

whitneyblairen

8. “I’ve blown into my daughter’s mouth to cool the ‘too hot’ food she’d just taken a bite of.”

— Joanna Short, Facebook

9. “I FaceTimed with my son while my husband and I were out one night and he was potty training.”

“For some reason he said he needed mommy to potty, so my mom gave him the phone and he propped it up and went potty!”

Idroppedmytaco

10. “Mommy had a work emergency so…”

“I had to buy myself Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle footie pajamas, paint my nails, and go to Tijuana Flats for “cheesy taco patties” (that’s “quesadilla” in four-year-old speak) because mommy had a work emergency and had to cancel girls’ night.”

brettpuffenbarger

11. “I convinced my son our car is an Autobot.”

“I am a single mom whose nine-year-old son is a huge Transformers fan, so for the past four years I’ve had him convinced that our car is an Autobot. Every time I start the car it plays Linkin Park’s ‘New Divide,’ and if he thinks a Decepticon is following us I safely maneuver through traffic to lose it. Also, once a week I leave a letter from a random Autobot in the car that talks about his week and gives him fatherly advice.”

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12. “I took my daughter to the Warped tour where I stood in line for hours for autographs and listened to several concerts of screaming bands in 105 degree heat!”

loriaskewa

13. “I barehanded a warm poo nugget my toddler handed to me. My knees went soft when I realized what it was in my hand.”

fidelityluo

14. “During potty training I tasted a puddle on the floor to see if it was spilled apple juice or if my daughter had peed on the floor. Thankfully, it was juice.”

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15. “When my son was three he was terrified of crickets, so we bought him two bearded dragons and a huge tank. That way the mean old crickets would meet their doom.”

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16. “I caught poop from my daughter’s bottom while she was taking a bath because she was freaking out at the ones already in the water.”

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17. “They were appalled and delighted.”

“My teen son was having a sleepover with two friends on the same evening I went to a performance of The Vagina Monologues. I bought all three boys chocolate vulvas from a fundraising vendor at the theater. They were appalled and delighted.”

JBro

18. “My daughter has a fake rolling pin in her kitchen set that she likes me to roll on her cheek until she falls asleep.”

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19. “I was picking crumbs out of my bra for hours.”

“At a restaurant the waiter had a spiked Mohawk and it terrified my four-year-old son for some reason, so he had to sit in my lap — stomach to stomach — and eat his meal while it sat on my boobs.”

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20. “For a photo scavenger hunt my kids were doing they needed a picture of a person with a wild animal. They convinced me to pick up a bloated dead mouse by the tail that we found in our pool filter.”

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21. “I ran out of diapers on a flight to Italy…”

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“There wasn’t a soul on the plane with a diaper, so I fashioned one out of an airplane pillow and a plastic bag. Those pillows are NOT absorbent.”

— Daniela Masciangelo, Facebook

22. “My daughter is two and sometimes eats her hair, but when she poops it doesn’t come out all the way — so I have to pull it out.”

— Julie Reynolds, Facebook

23. “Love.”

“I let someone shove a giant needle in my back, slice me open, and remove my insides so I could give birth to a child who has thrown up in my ear and pooped in my hands multiple times since she’s been born.”

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