This Is What The Price Of A London Home Could Buy In Scotland

2. London: Ilford (£100,000)

Bedrooms: 1
Property type: Studio

• Comes with free plastic-wrapped mattress and out-of-place office chairs
• Seems to be a garden shed with delusions of grandeur
• 45 minutes from central London via the tube

Bedrooms: 3
Property type: Flat

• Dainty front garden
• Interior looks like a drawing room from Downton Abbey
• 46 minutes from Glasgow via train

5. London: East Ham (£250,000)

Bedrooms: 3
Property type: Maisonette

• Handily situated on a main road
• The bedroom wallpaper isn’t that bad (if you squint)
• You’ll never be short of tyres

6. Scotland: Edinburgh (£250,000)

Bedrooms: 1
Property type: House

• Converted historic mews house in the heart of Edinburgh’s New Town
• Open fireplace in the bathroom
• Nowhere to buy tyres though

8. London: Mitcham (£300,000)

Bedrooms: 3
Property type: Flat

• Lift and private balcony available
• Hasn’t been decorated since the 1980s
• Free broken headboard and plastic sofa

Bedrooms: 4
Property type: Detached house

• Gorgeous, whitewashed Victorian villa overlooking Holy Loch
• Also has a conservatory, garden, library, and music room
• 1 hour 45 minutes from Glasgow via a scenic ferry journey

Bedrooms: 1
Property type: Studio flat

• Floor-to-ceiling windows
• Communal gardens
• If you get peckish when you’re in bed you can just lean into the kitchen and grab a snack

Bedrooms: 4
Property type: Detached house

• Converted early 1950s RAF bombing tower
• Set in 0.529 hectares of walled garden
• The windows are bomb- and bullet-proof: ideal if you’re on the run from the Mafia

Bedrooms: 3
Property type: Terraced house

• Decent-sized townhouse set over three floors
• Underfloor heating
• Basically a miniature 1960s comprehensive school

15. Scotland: Linlithgow (£500,000)

Bedrooms: 6
Property type: Detached house

• A stunning example of Greek revival architecture
• 20 minutes from Edinburgh via train
• Basically a miniature stately home

17. London: Soho (£645,000)

Bedrooms: 1
Property type: Studio flat

• In the heart of London, just a stone’s throw from Covent Garden
• Comes with fridge-freezer, washing machine and teeny-tiny oven
• Would feel relatively spacious if you didn’t have any possessions

Bedrooms: 10
Property type: Castle

• A Grade B listed building with around 1,500 square metres of living space
• Built in 1826 by Knight of the Garter Sir Donald Currie
• It’s a goddamn castle

Bedrooms: 1
Property type: Flat

• Top-floor flat with a lift and a porter, in case you can’t be bothered to carry things
• Half a mile from Regent’s Park
• Room for three whole tables

Bedrooms: 5
Property type: Detached house

• Period manse built in 1835 with a courtyard, wine cellar, conservatory, and extensive grounds
• A half-hour drive from Edinburgh city centre
• No porter though, which just proves you can’t have everything

23. London: Chelsea (£800,000)

Bedrooms: 1
Property type: Flat

• In need of modernisation and some extensive carpet cleaning
• Separate kitchen and west-facing bedroom
• Shower is the ideal height for a tiny adult or tall child

Bedrooms: 5
Property type: Detached house

• Huge “equestrian property” with extensive stables, a barn, and nine acres of paddocks
• An hour’s drive from Perth
• Horses not included

26. London: Fitzrovia (£940,000)

Bedrooms: 1
Property type: Studio flat

• First-floor flat with lift
• Large but strangely characterless roof terrace
• Seems to come with a pair of disembodied knees

Bedrooms: 8
Property type: Castle

• Whoever buys it will also receive the title Baron or Baroness Leslie
• Has a Great Hall, large fireplaces, turrets, and tower
• You can pretend you’re in Game of Thrones

29. London: Ealing (£1,000,000)

Bedrooms: 3
Property type: Terraced house

• Price also includes the takeaway business downstairs
• Right next to Ealing tube station
• Free carrier bag, but you’ll have to get it down from the curtain rail first

Bedrooms: 16
Property type: Detached house

• Magnificent listed former laird’s house dating to around 1668
• 1.63 acres of grounds, including a croquet lawn
• So big that the piano gets its very own room

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